If you're missing someone, read this

Love is a mystical, thrilling, powerful feeling. Every form of creative venture, at one point or another, has been inspired either by it or lack thereof. Without love, there wouldn’t be much joy, kindness or empathy. The entire entertainment industry would go bankrupt overnight. It’s the most universal, timeless, ongoing concept there is; yet nobody can understand or explain it. Science admits defeat, philosophers avoid the topic. Pretty much the only verifiable fact there is about love is that according to bloodcurdling scientific discoveries, our brain goes through a frighteningly similar process when we stray from love vs. when we realize we’re dying. Inexplicably so, it seems that we can’t survive without love.

Thus naturally, when we lose someone who inspires this magical feeling in us, we feel a deep sense of longing and sadness. The butterflies once flapping vibrantly in our stomach are now gone, making way for what feels like cosmic, elusive hollowness. Some describe feeling like there is a “hole” in their heart, a missing puzzle piece that can never be replaced. The abstract term “heartbreak” says it all too blunt: we feel so sad, so despaired it’s as though our most vital connection to life is broken. Yet despite the poetic glossary, the pain and sorrow we feel after parting ways with a loved one isn’t a sign that we’re broken or incomplete. It’s a sign that we’re human. Flesh and blood. Heart pumping, living and breathing, loving and feeling.

The turmoil of emotions following a breakup are like gray clouds covering the sky. If we want those clouds to dissipate, we must let it rain. But it’s a process, and can take a toll on our entire system. By learning more about the crippling pain in our chest, where it originates and how it will evolve, we can be more prepared to face the thunderstorms.

Whatever brought you here today, I'm happy that you're here, I congratulate you on reading this far into the article. It takes courage to educate yourself about painful topics, especially if the pain is right under your skin. You’ve already demonstrated your strength, even if you feel like nothing but strong today. You’ve got all the tools and knowledge you need to get through this breakup and to feel whole by yourself again. All you need is you, right now and onward.

It is important to stay alone and not surrounded by superficial mitigating relationships during this time period, so we can fully process our grieving, let it sink in to our entire system, so that it can teach us the value of our heart. Some people can hurt us more than they intend to not because they are cruel tricksters, but because they do fully not understand the value of being alive. Personally, I believe in fighting for the people you love. I will not give up easily on people I love but when I do, it's also hard for me to start believing in them again. It's hard to let go, even harder to turn back. The past is in the past.

People who are not in our lives anymore are not a part of our lives, or as Oscar Wilde puts it, our one wild and precious life. It's rare to meet someone who connects to our soul and becomes a mirror. This is both amazing and hurtful because they mirror not just the good but the scary along with it. But we need those people, because without them, we do not understand ourselves, not really. To see into our own soul we need a reflection, a mirror. Mirrors are those people whom when you meet, you know it's not something common, or typical. The eye that sees everything, can't see itself. So it looks for a reflection. If there is no one out there to reflect our life, silhouette, light and shadow, our voices will just disappear into the darkness. As fantastic as the worlds in our head may be, it's a scary thought to bear. If we live on the clouds, the earth beneath our feet will never feel like home.

We fight for love because it doesn't happen every day. It happens maybe once or twice in a lifetime, or perhaps more, I'm not old enough to judge that yet. If we were eternal souls floating around the universe, love wouldn't be so rare; we'd have an eternity to experience it. But before souls we are physical beings. We need our love to be able to exist in the practical sense and not become trapped in some metaphysical abstraction. Personally, I find that idea similar to a ghost haunting our head. I need to be able to live something in the here and now and if I can't, it's terrifying to think that it may only exist in some other form. That's why it can't be allowed to; and that's why I fight to bring those painful ideals to life before they can no longer be revived.

For that exact reason, it is a betrayal of self not to fight for love. However vivid our imagination may be, we are bound to the material inputs to our five senses for the imagination to draw upon. Something we cannot hear, smell, touch, see or taste will eventually fade away. We can't cling; well, we can, but that would be living a lie. That person's not here. They're gone. As gone as never having existed in the first place. A memory more faded every day.

Perhaps that's the saddest part. But be proud of the trait that brought you here. It's important to grab onto the life that thrills us, seize the moment. To spot an opportunity and know to chase it before it's gone. Those are the forks on the road where our life diverges one way or another, never to go back ever again. What's scarier is that we are fully in control. What are we going to do? Fight, flight or freeze?

For legal reasons, I can't tell you any stories here, but let me just say if fleeing was my move, I wouldn't be from this country. As bloody was the fight my ancestors fought to keep our country from being colonized, refusing to let our people become exploited, forced into a foreign language and living under a foreign regime: it's my duty to fight for what I intend to keep.

But there wouldn't be an "or flight" if every fight ended in victory.

Sometimes you've got to lose. And admit defeat.

Feel that loss and take pride, because no matter how painful this might be right now, it's not going to be as painful as being 90 years old and wondering: "What if?"

The good news is, just like everything else in life, this too, shall pass. The emptiness we feel inside after a breakup shouldn't be filled with good and bad assorted memories. It should stay as empty as possible so that it can attract the biggest star one day like a blackhole swallowing a galaxy. That emptiness is a reserved spot for the magnitude of the love that will one day fill it up to the brim. By continuing to reserve space in our heart for those who can't comprehend its magic, we're wasting limited space that belongs to those who are willing to do the work. We love someone not because they are ideal, but just because we do. We don't choose when to fall in love or whom we fall in love with. We only choose whether to fight for it or not. How bad do you want a life worth remembering?

The next time you feel the hollowness, rather than labeling it as good or bad, just allow yourself to feel its magnitude. That is how intense your passion is. Now channel that energy to the future. You've lost something. Great. Let it be lost. Wash it out. Don't feel guilty; you did the best you could. Your heart is too fucking alive to be filled with hazy memories and bread crumbs. It pumps too much fucking blood. It doesn't do it all day every day to be left forsaken in some figure of speech. Forgive & forget, move on. You need to expose your wounds so you can heal and become free to love again one day.

There is an undeniable value and freedom of being single. When single, we’re more connected to our true selves. No strings means less responsibilities, more freedom, more room for change and growth. We can discover who we are in a whole new way. Relationships can be fun, but they often come with an opportunity cost: straying away from our individuality. It’s sad —unbelievable in fact, the sheer number of people who never get to know themselves truly, remaining stuck playing a part in a relationship, drifting further and further away from individual goals and losing touch with their personal ideals.

Your private ideals, as influenced by no one, are the bloodline of your time-being on earth. They’re your intuition, your raison d’être, your home base. And right now, you have a precious opportunity to do them due diligence. So own the agony, let it hurt as it may, bawl your eyes out if you must. Because a wonderful journey lies beneath your feet. And this time, you’re the solo headliner. It’s your time to shine. Own the spotlight. Center stage. Take it away.